Commitmentphobia

My view of marriage has changed substantially during these past few months. There is no denying the fact that I am now against the whole idea and concept of marriage. Every marriage, no matter how joyous and fruitful, resigns to the fact that the love for your partner dissolves after a period of time. This is where I am so against marriage. True love does not prevail in a marriage. Marriage is an instuition created under the wings of religion and society with only one motive in mind; the continuity of the species. It's not complicated physics. It's black and white.

All I'm saying is that I don't ever want my love for my partner to ever die. And I'm afraid of that. I cannot imagine hating someone I love. I could never do that to her. I know most girls see it as weird and all but everything with that's happened in my life recently, has led me to believe that marriage is just a tool of the devil.

For example, when I was living in the UK, I knew this couple with two beautiful, amazing children. A son and a daughter. The cutest of the cutest in this world. They looked happy and moreover, they've been together 10 years before they got married. But I have come to learn recently that they've divorced and it came as such a shock to me as they were the couple that everyone looked up to. I heard that they spend so much time on their children that they've never really thought about their love for one another. It's such a sad sight to see and even hear and I broke down upon hearing the news. Of course my main concern was for the kids, for which I was like an uncle to them in my three years there.

Now when I look at a girl, I think to myself, will I ever have the heart to let her go in the future? Of course, the time that will be spent, will be magical and memorable but when that day comes, and it will come, will I have the courage to just let it all go? I don't think I can go through another heartbreak. I guess for now, it's better to just stay clear and expand my options as far as it would take me. It would only be fair to myself. It's what I owe to myself. For the first time in my life I'm scared of relationships, I really am.