I haven't updated my blog as often as I thought I would. Partly because when I was back home, I never had the time to come online. Secondly, I really had nothing to write about. Except for the fact that I was just so happy to be back home. Thinking back about it now makes my heart ache. I knew the moment I stepped outside of KLIA, I would be back in the next few weeks, leaving behind those I love again. It was an all familiar feeling; like those I had when I left for England.
I felt like I spent each day to the fullest. Since going back home, I've developed a new mindset to live for each day. Live in the moment. Rather than worry about the future like I always have. I have to admit that being home repaired and cleared all the emotions I had regarding a sensitive issue. I've come to accept that it is not my place to intervene. I have come to realise that the issue is beyond anybody's reach but theirs. Since then, I tried to dedicate as much time as I could with my dad. We played golf regularly and I genuinely had a good time. This was the best time of our father-son relationship, period. In a weird way, the conflict has brought us closer. Though I can only think that my guilt is the cause of it. Ever since Zarul told me to cherish every moment spent with my father, I think I've finally found a space deep inside me to care for him. I love you, Pa.
In the complete opposite, I barely had any time whatsoever with my mother. It's like the complete reverse since forever. For years, she would bug me to spend some time with her. Well I guess she has changed. Maybe it's time for her to let me go anyways. I don't feel mad at her. That's the funny thing about me. No matter how fucked up any situation can become, I never fail to see the positive side of it. In this case, I wouldn't be Mummy's golden boy anymore.
Some highlights of my trip back include some memorable nights out with the lads. Two nights ago we got smashed and apparently, I'm a very, very funny guy when I'm drunk. I took a piss in front of the Istana, fell backwards of a ledge, laid down on a road and slept like a pig. Well, thank god I didn't puke or nothing. I finally got to meet Gandy's girlfriend and Zul's girlfriend for the first time too. Clicked with Kiki straight off the bat. I gotta say, they're perfect for each other. I do hope they stay together though I hear them talking about marriage and children already.
Out of all this, I gotta thank one particular person who helped me through this difficult time. Muhammad Zulkefli Zainal Abidin. You're a fantastic friend to have and one anybody would kill for. I really appreciate all the time you spent talking to me, calming me down from doing stupid shit. But above all, the emotional support that you've provided me. I felt like I was stuck in a corner with no way out and you came and shone a light. You reminded me that there's so much more to live for. And I may not be able to repay you ever in this lifetime. But I would like to start now.
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