Personal Demons

We all wear different masks. It depends on our environment. As time has proven, we evolve accordingly to our surroundings. The same methodology applies to our personality. Have you ever felt like you were different, in a group of people? Everything is cautious, carefully worded. It's in our nature to impress another. A trait that has long been the bane of our existence. How I wonder what the world would be like if egos were taken out of the equation completely. Everything would be straight forward. 

I wear a mask. And every single day I face a constant battle with myself. There's so many things that I want to say to you but I can't. Words seem to evade me. I know you'll make me happy for a lifetime but I just can't. How I wish things were different. You're the girl I need but not the one I deserve. Not yet. There's just some things I need to do, in my life first. Things I need to sort out before I can move on. And I will only move on when I've completed my goals. I hope you'll still be around but even then, I will not stand in the way of your happiness, even if its not with me. Because you deserve the best. And I'm trying to be the best man for you.

Heartbreak

There's just so much in this world that we cannot seek to understand. How we are our own enemies and it saddens me to the brink of depression when I sit and think it through. Why are we so cruel and heartless?

Were like a cancer to our own kind. We are our own downfall. We are our own destruction. Such a precious thing, this life, yet we've taken God's gift and manipulated it into a thing of hatred, anger, jealousy, poverty and war. So much death in this perfect world. So many lives ruined by the greed of a few. How has it come to this?

We were blessed by God upon our creation, an image of the Almighty himself. God's other creations bowed at us, such is the honor. We were created to think for ourselves yet we act as if we are of primal nature. There's just too much suffering that I break down and cry thinking about it. Were all being hurt. Were all at war. And the enemy is within ourselves.

When will the good outweigh the evil? When will all of us wake up from this dreamworld we think we are in? When will we be truly free? Look upon the mirror and ask these questions to yourself. Put aside all lingering doubts. You know what's right and wrong. When will you act on what you know is morally right?

The Silenced Majority

Some people say you can see the road ahead. For me it's exactly that. It has come to this. It's become apparent to me that I should cease to exist. This world no longer needs another happy camper being ignorant to the brutal truth.

Why would I want to continue living in a society which promotes violence, hatred and murder. Innocent men, women and children continually murdered in their very own doorsteps over man's own creation: money.

In my own personal crusade I believe that I am beset by the ironies of life.I want to disappear, move away. Find my soul in this wretched god forsaken world. Perhaps perform the deeds that would give me self satisfaction. Help the oppressed. Fight for their rights. What could be a more worthy lifetime spent, you say.

I want to do all of this but I'm scared of it and the consequences though as each day passes I become more distant to this world and become engulfed into the idea of free will and being a good Samaritan. Am I overreacting? Is this wishful thinking?

My father told me to find a passion in life. I think helping people is what I'm good at and definitely something that I want to do in my lifetime. Being selfless is all that I'm about. My understanding of the world has come to such an extent that I've managed to put aside my own personal feelings and desire in order to achieve somebody else's happiness. I love making people happy. Knowing that a person is smiling and that I'm the cause of that makes me at ease with myself.

You ask for a purpose in life and sometimes it's not what you always imagine it would be. You always want to be what the media portrays what you should be: lawyers, doctors, engineers but the truth of the matter is that were all different and to find something that really empowers us is something different altogether.

 "I'm here for other children. I'm here because I care. I'm here because children everywhere are suffering and because 40,000 people die each day from hunger. I'm here because those people are mostly children. We've got to understand that the poor are all around us and were ignoring them. We've got to understand that these deaths are preventable. We've got to understand that people in third-world countries, think and care and smile and cry, just like us. We've got to understand that they are us, we are them. My dream is to stop hunger by the year 2000. My dream is to give the poor a chance. My dream is to save the 40,000 people who die each day. My dream can and will come true if we all look into the future and see the light that shines there"

- Rachel Corrie 1979-2003

Live for nothing, die for something.